Like jokes
Why are tomatoes green? Because they rot, like your mum.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
When there's a news story of people who have died en masse, for example from explosions and fires.
Other people are all "oh no that's terrible!"
Pfft shut up, lying asshole. Trying to be "nice".
I'm like "YAY EXCITING. I don't like being bored hearing 'good news' all of the time."
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
Why does rapboat like underage girls? Cos grown ass girls are too clever for him.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
What grade is the worst, like if in elementary?
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
Yo hairline be looking like a chicken nugget, headass.
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Chris Brown, More like Chris Brownie hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
Your favorite artist must be Rihanna, the way your forehead shines bright like a diamond!
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.