Like jokes

The Twin Towers are like Angry Birds in real life.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."

You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.

When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

Like if you love food!

Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.

In my free time, I like to help blind people.

Verb, not adjective.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?

He has no legs...

Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.

I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

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