Like jokes

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

What do cheetahs like?

Sports!

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.

"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.

"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

How is the world like a box of crayons?

Nobody likes the white ones.

And a side note, it's multi colored.

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

BlessedBrian’s sense of humor is like a GPS without signal... LOST and going NOWHERE.

Watching paint dry sounds like a thrill compared to spending time with Slade.

I’d tell BlessedBrian to aim for the stars, but it seems like his GRAVITATIONAL PULL is holding him back.

Even Bob Ross couldn’t paint a happy little accident like BLESSEDBRIAN.