My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Like Jokes
Think like a proton--stay positive!
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?
Answer: Because he sucks!
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
