Light jokes

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

The sun is fire.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.

If Kamala Harris is Indian, why doesn’t she have that dot on her head?

So she claims to be.

And the only black color I know is when you shut off the lights.

Why did the rapper always carry a flashlight?

To SHINE A LIGHT on his talent!

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

Which one's super super corny?

1. What's blue and not heavy? (🤔) Light blue.

2. What's blue and super hard to see?

Dark blue. (🤔)

Yo mama so dumb, when she looked at the light, she said, "Why is the sun so close to me?"

How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, there is no electricity.

You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.

Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?

'Cause he was in need of a light snack!

I just bought a book about lamps...

So I can do some light reading over the weekend.

What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.