Light jokes
How to silence a black protester at a rally?
TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?
"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."
Back the halls with gasoline, la la la la la.
Light a match and watch it gleam, la la la la la.
My school is burnt into ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because you can take it so quickly.