Light jokes
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
charging power
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?
"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."
Back the halls with gasoline, la la la la la.
Light a match and watch it gleam, la la la la la.
My school is burnt into ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la.
How to silence a black protester at a rally?
TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
Cam was hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Cam likes to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a lot.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.