How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
What does a white person say when there Surrounded by black guys? "hey who turned the lights out?!"
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital? Throw a strob light in the epileptic ward
If Kamala Harris is Indian, why doesn’t she have that dot on her head? So she claims to be
And the only black color I know is when you shut off the lights
Walking with a friend the in the dark is better than walking alone in the in the light
A Photon Is Checking Into a Hotel The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?" The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Yo mama so fat, when God said 'let there be light' He was just asking her to move.
Where does bad light end up at? In Prism.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Why did the rapper always carry a flashlight?
To SHINE A LIGHT on his talent
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
Friend 1: *turns off lights* Friend 2: *is there with us* Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights I hung something else instead
