Lifestyle jokes
Why can't orphans go to a five-star hotel?
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
I wish my grass was emo, so then it could cut itself.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
What's the difference between a gamer and dog poop?
Dog poop touches grass.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!
Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana. BORNANA.
Eating pork rinds, sword fightin' in pajamas at the crib playin' Fortnite with your grandma.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
I'm a recovering cake addict.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!
Why was the emo mad?
The picture got hung, not her.
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.