Lifestyle jokes

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.

If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

🤔 What do Polish people 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 in Poland do with 📰 📰 📰 📰 newspapers 📰 📰 📰 📰 after they are done reading them?

Use them for toilet paper. 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 😆 😄

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

What time is it when you get home? Time to sleep.

I love sleep 🛏!

So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

What's your fav color?

"Emo kid hanging."

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

Who left him hanging?

Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find

Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.

What’s the only reason Emos drink?

To get hungover.

What do emo kids and bananas have in common?

They both hang on trees.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

Being gay must be a pain in the ass.

Credit to omnom.

What’s Emos favourite bacci?

Cutters choice.