Lifestyle jokes

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

What would you call a gay man's couch? A Homo Sectional.

What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?

They both eat from trash.

Beau Ruse is Gay.

I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.

The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."

Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"

I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"

Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"

John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.

By Lewis

Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.

Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"

I like my coffee like my men, long and black.

A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.

Yo mama went to Safeway to be safe.

What do ya call a group of emo kids hanging from a tree? Ornaments.

There was an emo kid in their room, boom, they're all gone, now.

So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"

Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!

What do you get when you cross between Tailga and emo?

Tailighmo.

Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!

What does a stray cat/dog have in common?

Both of them don't have a home!

When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺