Lifestyle jokes
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
How do emos fly? They hang themselves.
Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.
I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?
A toaster.
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
What do you call a flat emo girl?
A cutting board.
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.
What’s a Cannibal’s Favorite Food?
Ra-men.
What do you call a stoner when horny?
A weed whacker!
For an orphan, any bag of chips is family size.