Lifestyle jokes
What do you do when you made a misteak?
You do some yoga 🧘♀️ and say, "Namaaa steak."
Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"
What do you call a flat emo girl?
A cutting board.
What do you call a flat emo?
Cutting board.
One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.
One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.
My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜
Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.
Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"
Who is your mum?
An emo.
What's another nickname for a flat emo?
A copping boars.
When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.
YEEEHAWW!
I'm a recovering cake addict.
Cooper and Max want to get fucked in the ass by guys.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?
Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!
"You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.
Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?
No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!
Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?
🤔 What do Polish people 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 in Poland do with 📰 📰 📰 📰 newspapers 📰 📰 📰 📰 after they are done reading them?
Use them for toilet paper. 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 😆 😄
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.