Lifestyle jokes

What do you call a flat emo?

Cutting board.

One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.

One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.

My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜

Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.

Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"

What's another nickname for a flat emo?

A copping boars.

Who is your mum?

An emo.

I'm a recovering cake addict.

Cooper and Max want to get fucked in the ass by guys.

When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.

YEEEHAWW!

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

"You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.

Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?

No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!

Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?

🤔 What do Polish people 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 in Poland do with 📰 📰 📰 📰 newspapers 📰 📰 📰 📰 after they are done reading them?

Use them for toilet paper. 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 😆 😄

If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

Being gay must be a pain in the ass.

Credit to omnom.

What do emo kids and bananas have in common?

They both hang on trees.