Lifestyle jokes
Your mom is emo, Deacon.
Why is it good to be an orphan?
Because every bag of chips is family sized.
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
What do you get when you cross a vegan and a burger fry-cook?
A shitty plant-based patty.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
What do emos and a bird nest have in common?
They both hang from a tree.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
Why did the nerd get scared of the emo? Because the nerd likes to leave the emo hanging.
Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.
I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just cry in darkness.
Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?
No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!
Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
What do you do when you made a misteak?
You do some yoga 🧘♀️ and say, "Namaaa steak."