Life jokes
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
My life, ha ha funny!
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
If I slap an orphan, what will it do, tell its parents? 🤣😂🤣😂
Why does this exist?
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!