Life jokes
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
My life, but wait, jokes actually have meaning.
Me. I am the joke.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
If R. Kelly was a therapist:
14 year old: I hate my life.
R. Kelly: I feel you.
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
Why are all orphans criminals?
Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
Orphan, they're enough of a joke.
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.