Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
"PENIS WAIT WHAT OENIS SUCK MINE DADDY?" Sorry, you are an orphan.
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
What do cannibals call an orphanage? All you can eat buffet.
Why do orphans hate Batman the movie?
Because at least he gets noticed by people, and also he stole their life story!
Have a great day today!
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.
Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
Orphans can't call their parents if they get hurt! Sorry.🩹
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
