Life jokes
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Rape victim: I want to die.
Man: Hang in there.
Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
What does 9 and 36 add up to?
A life in prison.
Technoblade NPC: Gets removed from Minecraft!
Technoblade: Gets removed from real life!
A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
Why did Technoblade die?
He couldn't respawn in real life!
My life, ha ha funny!
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.