Life jokes
The Stigg and his fake ass life.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
Rape victim: I want to die.
Man: Hang in there.
Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
Technoblade NPC: Gets removed from Minecraft!
Technoblade: Gets removed from real life!
What does 9 and 36 add up to?
A life in prison.
A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Why did Technoblade die?
He couldn't respawn in real life!
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
My life, ha ha funny!
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.