Life jokes
Louie's parents tried this.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Why did the mushroom kill himself?
Because he had a mushy life.
My peepee small.
What do rapists like to suck?
The life out of their victim.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Memes
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to see his parents.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
My April Fool's joke is going to an orphanage and telling them their parents came back.
Why would a cannibal stop eating people?
If they got fed up with them.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their family.
What did the tree do to the emo? Left her hanging.
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.