Life jokes

My life, but wait, jokes actually have meaning.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.

Are you a gun because I want to live with you?

Why are all orphans criminals?

Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.

Orphan, they're enough of a joke.

How do blind kids get punished?

By moving the furniture around the house.

Why do orphans love school so much?

They have no HOMEWORK.

I asked an orphan where his parents were.

(God, I wish I knew)

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

Me. I am the joke.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

Being an orphan isn’t all bad.

On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.

What's one advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody can make mama jokes about you. 🌚

Why did the orphan kill itself?

Because he's depressed about no family.

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.