Library jokes

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?

The second-hand book was loved once.

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.

"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?

Palpatine: Renew it!