Library jokes

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?

To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?

Because he was too loud with his FLOW.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?

50 Cents of Gray.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.

She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?

Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.

Make him read a book.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

Yo mum's so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.