Library jokes

Why is America the fastest readers?

They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?

50 Cents of Gray.

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

9/11 victims are the best readers.

They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?

The second-hand book was loved once.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.

She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.