Library jokes
Why is America the fastest readers?
They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."
Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.
Yo mum's so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?
Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
Make him read a book.
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.
She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.