Library jokes

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

Yo mum's so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?

Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

Make him read a book.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

Why did the clock out the library?

It tocked too much!

Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?

To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.

She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"

Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?

Because he was too loud with his FLOW.