Law jokes

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."

Why did the orphan want to go to jail?

So he could have a home and be cared for with food.

Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.

There was a big problem yesterday.

My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9, right?

No. It's because 7 was a repeated 6 offender.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.

What did Saskia say to Brandon?

Saskia: "Can you rape me like you did Sydney?"

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?

Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.

Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.

I pushed a handicapped orphan out of his wheelchair. Who is he gonna tell, his parents?