My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
Law Jokes
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
It's good that Canada doesn't have the death sentence for treason anymore.
Danielle Smith is so fucking fat she'd get stuck in the gallows.
Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.
I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.
What did Saskia say to Brandon?
Saskia: "Can you rape me like you did Sydney?"
So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
I pushed a handicapped orphan out of his wheelchair. Who is he gonna tell, his parents?
What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?
Alien vs. Predator.
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.
What animal always breaks the law? A cheetah.
One thing about disabled people is they never set foot in prison.
