Law jokes

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?

A period.

Why?

Because it marks the end of a sentence.

Did you know cannibals ate KFC?

Kentucky Fried Children.

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

To get to the other preschool.

In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?

Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.

When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead.

A new game the whole family can play...

Incest.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.

The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

I groomed 2 minors today.

Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?

A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.