Law jokes
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What kind of star would go to jail?
A shooting star!
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Memes
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
I groomed 2 minors today.
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.