How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
What kind of star would go to jail?
A shooting star!
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.
But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.
I groomed 2 minors today.
My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
