Law jokes
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Why is it ok to punch an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.