Law jokes

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.

PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

For he can be wanted.

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

Why was the Human Torch arrested?

He had firearms.

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

What is red, white, and blue all over?

A dead cop.

Two pedophiles are on a beach.

One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?

A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!