Law Jokes

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

A still from a movie shows a man holding a gun to another man's head, with the text above the image reading, "The punishment for trying to commit suicide in North Korea is death." The man holding the gun is labeled, "North Korean govt." and the man with the gun to his head is labeled, "North Korean citizen." The text on the bottom of the image reads, "Drop the gun... or else, I'll shoot."

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.