Law jokes
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
If she’s old enough to breed, she’s old enough for me.
My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
Killing someone is better than killing yourself.
Why did the FBI get a foster family for an orphan?
So he could be in a lovely family before death.
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
You can hit an orphan, because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!