Law jokes

Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.