Law jokes
KK or Liv?
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
Amber Heard Daily Routine:
Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered sex offender.
October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
Why are all orphans criminals?
Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
What do you call a group of jumping Mexicans?
Border hoppers! LOL.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.