Law jokes

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 🦶 taller?

So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.