Law jokes

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

Why is prostitution illegal?

Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.

What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!