Law jokes
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
What’s the difference between a fetus and a woman?
A fetus has more rights.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Why do orphans start fights?
Because they don't get in trouble at home.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
Why did the orphan want to go to jail?
So he could have a home and be cared for with food.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because at least they can be wanted!
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.