Law jokes
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
What's the difference between bounties and orphans?
The bounty is wanted.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Why was the belt arrested?
It held up a pair of pants.
In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.
Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
What is the difference between the human rights act and a home?
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Why are orphans lucky? Because they don’t need a license plate because they don’t have a home.
Why do orphans start fights?
Because they don't get in trouble at home.
Why do orphans want to be criminals?
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."