Law jokes

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.

I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What is a pedophile’s favorite part about Halloween?

Free delivery.

Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

To be wanted.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

Because he/she wanted to be wanted!

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?

What?

A nail gun!

Why can't orphans be criminals?

Because they're not wanted.

Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

I suppose that was a fair compromise!

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

Pro tip kids, you CAN hit an orphan because they can't cry to their parents!