Law jokes

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.

Why was the sheep arrested?

Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.

What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.

If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?

Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?

Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?

What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?

Someone gets hurt.

Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?

Because he comes in a little behind.

It's not incest if you're adopted.

I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.

What touches kids and is made out of plastic?

Michael Jackson, hee hee!

Why are wives also called a housekeeper?

Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?