Law jokes
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
It's not incest if you're adopted.
I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.