What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
Law Jokes
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
Fitting it in.
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
