Law jokes
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?
At least outlaws are wanted.
murder
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
We should stop.
Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?
The boomerang!
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.
But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.
What is one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in the school zone.