Law jokes
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
I killed a man in '94.
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.
An orange jumpsuit that is :)
Space therapist in between the e and the r.
The rapists!
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
Why did the orphan commit a crime?
Because they wanted to be wanted!
What do you call a fat man with a rape whistle? Hogan!