Law jokes
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
So they could be wanted.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
what do you call an autistic police officer? special forces
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.