Law jokes

Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

What do you call a racist crow?

Jim.

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.

I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

So they could be wanted.

In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

Why was the Human Torch arrested?

He had firearms.

Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

What is harder than steel?

Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.