What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
