Law jokes

My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.

You know what's so horrible about this website?

When I mimic another person's account, the picture ALWAYS changes color. No more identity theft for me.

What do you call an orphan who can't get 5 stars on GTA?

Not wanted.

How do you turn rape into no rape? Steal her bank details for money transfer.

What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?

"I was raped raped."

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.

If you're ever bored just fuck some orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What is the difference between a human and the human rights act, a tree house, and a human being?

McDonald's worker: Order, order!

Customer: I didn't do anything wrong!

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.

How can one make Death Row a little more fun?

Musical electric chairs.

During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.

Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.

Carly: Hey do [you] want to have sex? [Age] (43)

Zina: No! [Age] (10)

Carly: Good cause I can make you do it anyway! [Age] (43)

What do you spot in this place that [is] gay!

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.

The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"

Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.

Why do most guns in America have an average mag/clip size of only 30?

Because that's the average class size in America.

Why do pedophiles come in last place for every race... because they are always in the back (if you know what I mean)?

Legally Blonde.

What do you call an empty police station?

Banana Chicken.