Law jokes
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 🦶 taller?
So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Age is just a number, Jail is just a room.
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!