What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
Why did Orphan become famous?
Because he didn't need parent permission.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.
What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
Why do orphans want to be criminals?
To be wanted.
Why are orphans lucky? Because they don’t need a license plate because they don’t have a home.
Abortion isn't murder, it's more like backspacing a typo.
Amber Heard Daily Routine:
Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
