Law jokes
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.
What is the difference between the human rights?
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.
Killing someone is better than killing yourself.
Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
What’s the best math equation to eat?
Cosine Law.
A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).
I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Rosa Parks.
Lol.
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.