Law jokes
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.
Why can’t orphans order from Costa?
They need a parent or guardian with them.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
Why do orphans start fights?
Because they don't get in trouble at home.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?
Because he is in a prison cell.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
What’s the difference between a fetus and a woman?
A fetus has more rights.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong. On so many levels.