Law jokes

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.

Why can't orphans be criminals?

Because they're not wanted.

What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?

KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.

Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.

Yesterday I had a party.

I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

Why did the FBI get a foster family for an orphan?

So he could be in a lovely family before death.

A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.

Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.

What do you call a group of jumping Mexicans?

Border hoppers! LOL.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.

Why are orphans lucky? Because they don’t need a license plate because they don’t have a home.

What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?