Law jokes
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.