Law jokes

Why do asses make the best detectives?

They always crack the case!

Why does an orphan commit a crime?

Because it wants to be wanted.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

"You suck. I don't wanna be married anymore ://////"

When do you go at stop and stop when done?

I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.

Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?

A. Neither does R. Kelly.

Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.

I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"

I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."

She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.

Me: 911, I just killed someone.

Cops: Cool, we will not come.

Me: Why?

Cops: Don't admit a crime.

Phones: *Bang Bang*

Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.

If the dyslexic man wanted to adopt a kid, then how could he sign the papers?

Roses are red, I have a confession:

A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)

Cops be like dead from COVID hahaha. Should have listened to the law, you dumb dead pigs!

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her “crack” and sell it again.

Why do you go to the bank?

To get money.

When do you run from the bank?

When the cops come.

What's between a wife and a husband?

A divorce.

What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?

Killing the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.

Little Johnny brought a baseball bat to school.

The teacher asked why he had one. He said, "I need it to beat up the principal!"

When the principal found out what Little Johnny had said, well, let’s just say Little Johnny didn’t need no baseball bat to kill him.

A cop pulls over an old man.

The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

The old man said, "No."