Law jokes
What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
Cops be like dead from COVID hahaha. Should have listened to the law, you dumb dead pigs!
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
What is red, white, and blue all over?
A dead cop.
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
I like my women like my family, they’re related.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To improve his rap sheet!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Please.
Please who?
Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.
Lol.
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.