Law jokes

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.

Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.

If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.

Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?

Because the white guy actually did it.

What do you call a pedo with no legs? A creepy crawly.

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?

Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."