Language jokes
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
I entered ten puns in a joke contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?
Fucks funny.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Tank." "Tank who?" "You're welcome!"
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita poo let me in!
"Tayam, I am."
"How do you make 7 even?"
"Take away the s."
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What is a gay person's favorite book?
The dictionary.
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
Say, "Crack my fingers."
Now say that backwards...
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
Where do you get 30% of your agua? From AGUAfers.
Si, papi?