Language jokes
People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?
Why did the first fence hate the other fence?
The second fence used some of-fensive language.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
What do you call a pun that's bad? A bad pun.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollinnnnnn!
What's wrong with 89?
You blow me and I owe you one.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
Succcccc.
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Say "joke" 5 times.
Oh, nothing happened.
My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.
"Fuck me, Jarry."
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."