Language jokes
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
What do you call a pun that's bad? A bad pun.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollinnnnnn!
What's wrong with 89?
You blow me and I owe you one.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
Succcccc.
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Say "joke" 5 times.
Oh, nothing happened.
My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.
"Fuck me, Jarry."
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
Wanna hear a long joke?
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!!!
Stormtrooper: What happened to the Jedi Order?
Palpatine: Slew it!
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”