My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Why was 9 afraid of 20?
Because 28, 29.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
