Language jokes
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
In Portuguese, "Trumpa" means bullshit.
I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.
A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Seven ate nine!
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?
Why did the first fence hate the other fence?
The second fence used some of-fensive language.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
What do you call a pun that's bad? A bad pun.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollinnnnnn!
What's wrong with 89?
You blow me and I owe you one.