Kill jokes

What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?

I don't eat the fruit.

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."

A sad guy called "nun" is crying next to the grave of his best friend called "month". "Month" got killed by a gay guy, and after that, "nun" got homophobic.

While "nun" is sitting next to "month"'s grave, he heard a guy ask his friend: 《Do You Wanna Play A Game On?》 "Nun" got angry and he asked that guy: 《What did you just say to your friend?》 The guy answers: 《A game on, why?》

"Nun" kills the two guys.

🤔

The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.

Why did the mushroom kill himself?

Because he had a mushy life.

My peepee small.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Why did Hitler kill people? Because it was funny! 🥵

The granddaughter wanted to see granny. She killed herself.

My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?

I killed my cat.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

It danced its a** off.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.