Kill

Kill Jokes

Titanic

The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.

Mushroom

Why did the mushroom kill himself?

Because he had a mushy life.

My peepee small.

Roadkill

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Dish

My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.

Car

Like if you can relate and comment if you think this is funny

The image consists of two panels. The top panel shows a text saying "7 y/o me in my dad's car: Dad, I wanna turn on the light. Can I press this button?" with an image of a hand about to press a car light button. The bottom panel shows a text saying "My dad:" with an image of the character Rocket Racoon from the movie Guardians of the Galaxy saying "No!! That's the button that will kill everyone".

Cancer

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

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  • Balloon

    *America shoots down balloon*

    China: "You killed an innocent man!!"

    USA: "What?!"

    China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."

    Woman

    I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

    Allergy

    When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!

    Kid

    Ms. Norsworthy's chompers are so big they killed a kid once.

    Crime

    Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

    Orphan

    A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

    It danced its a** off.

    WW2

    Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

    Death

    You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

    Gun

    What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.