Kill jokes

The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.

Why did the mushroom kill himself?

Because he had a mushy life.

My peepee small.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Why did Hitler kill people? Because it was funny! 🥵

My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.

The granddaughter wanted to see granny. She killed herself.

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

What would you do if you were killed?

Hitler is a national hero, he killed Hitler... Oh wait.

*America shoots down balloon*

China: "You killed an innocent man!!"

USA: "What?!"

China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!

Ms. Norsworthy's chompers are so big they killed a kid once.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

It danced its a** off.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

I killed my cat.

What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.