Kilometer jokes

I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

What do you call Miles Morales Spider-Man from Europe?

Kilometers Morales.

I sexually identify as kilometers per second.

Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.

What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?

A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.

A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.

First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.

When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.

The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.

"Why did you move?" the German asked.

The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?