My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
If you kill an orphan would that count as a squad wipe.
My initials are K.M.C
Which could also stand for Kill Main Character.
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good so I told him so. My brother said to me, "at least I don't have to camp in order to get kills". I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills".
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
me: brags about my 30 kill streak
the jury: O.o
A Mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only.... A mirror doesn't need a gun to kill ...
Call of duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever.
why do orphans kill people so they can finnaly be wanted
I was trying to poison santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
This guy tried to kill me and i asked "what is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied ": nah, its Halloween"
how do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family
why would a dead guy lie?
because he can't stand up
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked who the best composer was they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? -- A pool table.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-ecutioner.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
