Kill Jokes

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.

my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out

What's the difference between you and Hitler? Hitler knew when to kill himself.

so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

So we were working with a new client at work and my boss farts, he said "a little gas never killed anyone

What the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

why did the man say chickens were lucky..? because they get killed and eaten.

What do you call a dead baby? spawn killed

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice ...

What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

(Jokes for people with cancer) 1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore. 2: I'm dying, finally. 3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then. On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you.", in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says "Cool, let me try!", and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says "Superman, you're an asshole."