Kill Jokes

Anonymous
in Orphan

Why did an orphan kill ET To phone home

Dacupheadlover666
in Cup

What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions???

Answer: Expresso!!! (KILL MEH)

Anonymous
in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

0
Nick Ger

How do you kill a downy

Put rat poison on their shoulder

instagram niko_klyo_kia

so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it

in Evidence

if you hit a child that’s child abuse. if you hit a family member that’s abuse. if you kill either, it’s murder for some reason. if it’s a whole family, its genocide for another reason.

Anonymous

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed and they all went to heaven. God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said,"I want to be handsome. " God granted his wish. The second guy said,“I want to be more handsome than the first guy.”, God granted his wish. “The third guy said " I want to be more handsome than the second guy.” God granted his wish and this continued on and on until the 15 ugly guy.The ugly guy was laughing. Really hard. “What is your wish?” God asked him. “I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!” God granted his wish

Anonymous

When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

2
imgay2

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.

0
D.K.

you can’t say hitler was a bad person he did kill hitler after all

Anonymous

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.

0
random_person

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

“Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!” (Found on the web if you don’t like it don’t leave a hate comment)

Anonymous

My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.

She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.

random dude!

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

Anonymous

My granddad killed hitler

in Depression

Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside

Anonymous
in Emo

If u kill an emo Is it an assist kill?

Psych-yatrist
in Depression

I told my Phsychyatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

Anonymous
in Mountain

what is the most dangerous mountain? kill-a-man-jaro

pro joker

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.