Kill Jokes

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

pun enters the room and kills ten people.

pun in, ten dead

Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?

Because he had no loco-MOTIVE AHAHAH

Two terrorists walk into a bar. The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says “We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey” The Bartender asks “Why a donkey?” Then Terrorist 2 says “See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people.”

BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe

allright class the person who answers my next queston gets to go home, then a guy throse a pencel the techer asks who throue that pensol I DID I GET TO GO HOME

I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice ...

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

God said the first person to kill Hitler go's to heaven. Hitler: Kills himself.

What did the lion say to the lion tamer nothing because when the lion tamer whipped the lion the lion killed him

What job lets you kill the most people

And abortion doctor

"killed 2 birds with one stone"? pfft I once killed 2 people with 1 bullet

What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.

when the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill.

"One, he killed himself"

Me playing a game...... what did God just stop are hearts cause we didn't kill each other

Like if that was good

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your iq

Why didn't Donald trump not pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him? Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”