Kill jokes
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
Why would an orphan kill his family? Because they weren't there.
If Red gets voted out, what happened?
Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"
Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"
Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"
Lime, Green, and Purple run.
Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.
Black killed Red. Black is the win.
LOL
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Why did the orphan die?
He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.
Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?
Because he had a crush on her.
What kills you?
Suicide.