Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
