Commitment

Chris A.

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again I almost killed myself

0

Puns

Anonymous

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

1

America

The Special

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

Depression

Hay

Technically suicide is murder and murder is ilegal so if I kill myself my body should go to jail

Heaven

feeling it mr, krabs

why does Hitler deserve heavens, because he killed Hitler.

2

Trigger

YO MOM

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

0

Darkness

Anonymous

what does a pregnant 14 year old and her foetus? theyre both thinking; oh sh@t my moms gonna kill me!

Uncle

clarityrulz

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

Baby

F...Feminazis

I can’t decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice …

1

Chuck Norris

Yeet

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

Baby

holyshat

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They’re both thinking “Oh my God, my mom’s gonna kill me!”

Common

Anonymous

What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common They both say “my moms gonna kill me”

Girl

Kiwi Keith

my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out

Google

An0y1

I said to Google How do i kill someone then i got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front before you click it it says if you want to kill someone we are the right guys.How the f this get in google

Die

Anonymous

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

Depression

Morgan

When someone tells me to kill myself

Panic! At The Disco: Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time

Grandpa

Anonymous

I’m so proud of my Grandpa. He killed Hitler himself.

Gas

Anonymous

the gas prices are going up that even Hitler is killing himself

0

Orphan

yo mama, oh wait...

How to get quick cash: Step 1: Kill a child’s parents Step 2: Do foster care for them Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care

Daughter

imgay2

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.

0