Kill jokes
No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝
1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
Why is Kyle Rittenhouse the Ultimate Crime Fighter?
Because in one night he killed a pedophile and a domestic abuser.
I killed my cat.
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
Why is Mercury so hot? I know, because the sun is killing Mercury.
A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?
It danced its a** off.
What would you do if you were killed?
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Did you just kill the last brain cell you have? Or are you just plain stupid?