Kill

Kill jokes

Suicide

What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.

What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.

Phone

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

Orphan

Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."

People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."

  • 5
  • Memes

    Suicide

    Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

    Orphan

    A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

    Suicide

    Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

    Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

    Guy: "Yup"

    Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

    Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

    Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

    He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

    We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

    Depression

    I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

    At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

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  • Knife

    I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.

    Abortion

    What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?

    They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”

    Fruit

    Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

    The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

    They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

    Chuck Norris

    In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.