Kill jokes

Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?

Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH

Why did 10 kill itself?

Because it was between 9/11.

Kill yourself in anyway. I'm doing it the HIGHway.

Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?

Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

How do you think Julius Caesar killed his enemies?..

With a pair of Caesars! 😂😂👌

Hey kids, guess who started a micronation?

It’s Barney and Trump. They don’t let gays in, but they kill them.

Once a monkey lived in a jamun tree. His friend, a crocodile, came there to eat jamun everyday. The second day, he ate some jamun and left some for his wife. Soon, his wife said, "Why don't you kill this monkey?"

The crocodile was sad and then asked the monkey to come to his place. The monkey said, "What if I drown?" The crocodile said, "Jump on my back." The monkey jumped on his back. The crocodile soon said, "I am gonna kill you. My wife is sick and wants to eat your heart." The monkey said, "I left my heart on the jamun tree." Then the crocodile swam back to the jamun tree and the monkey jumped on the tree.

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

What's the difference between you and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.

You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

Why did an orphan kill ET?

To phone home.

Killing someone is better than killing yourself.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.