Kid jokes

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

A kid asks Trump:

Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"

Trump: "There they are, bud!"

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

Prankster kid: Knock knock.

Neighbor: Who's there?

...

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.

What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?

The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

What do you call Autistic kids baking?

"Downies" with brownies.

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.