Kid jokes
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
Q: What did the kid say to the emo kid?
A: Don't leave me hanging!
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
Quiet Kid: *reaches into bag*
Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN!
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
What's your fav color?
"Emo kid hanging."
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.