Kid jokes
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.
Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."
Memes
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
Why did the disabled kid cross the road?
(Why?)
He can't.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
Yo mama's so ugly, even the kid in the wheelchair ran.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.