Kid jokes
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?
Sum ting wong.
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.
How are rape and an airplane similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
Why do emo kids wear hoodies?
They hang easier.
that one cool kid in your class
Why couldn't the kid play on his laptop?
Because he has no arms and no laptop and no legs and no head and no home and no money and got shot.
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?
Raisin kids!
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
Adopted kid:
Hey, Alex, what are you doing?
Alex:
Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."
Adopted kid:
OK, dad Alex.
Alex:
Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!
Adopted kid:
I’m so glad I have a mom.
Ugly face dude: Hi kiddo!
Kid: Hi kid. Leaves.
Kid turns back and says: Wait a minute, who are you?
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
Americans: Miles per hour.
Europeans: Bullets per kid...
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”