Kid jokes

How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?

It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.

What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.

I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

Parents are like food—not all kids get them.

What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?

If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?

Dad:

The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.