Kid jokes

How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?

It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.

Parents are like food—not all kids get them.

What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?

If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.

In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.

Me: What's yellow and can't swim?

My sister: What??

Me: A school bus filled with kids.

What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!

Kid: Where do I put this paper?

Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.

Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*

Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?

Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.

Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*

Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.

Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!

Kid: Yes, you told me to!

Teacher: I meant at school!

Kid: Ohhhhhh!

Teacher: Duh!

Funny jokes are like kids with autism.

They have special needs to make them.

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌

Vote for the better joke!

What's an autistic kid's favorite transformer?

Autistemist Prime.