Kid jokes
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.
Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?
“Here comes the airplane!”
I got suspended for telling the emo kid to hang in there.