Kid jokes

What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.

Some kid with parents: "Knock, knock."

Orphan: "Who's there?"

Some kid with parents: "Not your parents."

The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.

Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.

Why was the kid's report card all wet?

Because it was below "sea" level.

Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."

Why are cancer kids so fly?

Because they got the drip.

Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*

How do you punish a blind kid?

Move to a new house.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.

A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.

"This place looks scary," the kid said.

And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."

If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”