Kid jokes

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

A kid asks Trump:

Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"

Trump: "There they are, bud!"

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."

Prankster kid: Knock knock.

Neighbor: Who's there?

...

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They throw a wok down the stairs.

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."