Kid jokes

What does a middle aged man live in?

A retarded kid he keeps in the van.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire? Ghost Rider.

Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

Why can’t you yell at a kid?

Because the cops are after you.

What game do emo kids hate the most?

Life.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

What do you call a kid that’s cold and his name is war?

Cold War.

What is the difference between a human and a tree and a house? Is for dinner today after school today after I have school 🏫 I have for kids dinner 🍴 was that I had dinner 🍴 night night dinner 🍴 night is what time it when we went and get the dog 🐶 night and dinner 🍴 night I love 💕 it is the one ☝️ I did not have time today.

What do you call a bruised banana?

A school bus full of his kids.

Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.

One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"

The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."

After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."

The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"

After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.

The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."

The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."

The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."

The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."

The first kid then says: "I know, right?"

They then begin a snowball fight.

The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"

Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"

Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"

Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)

What do you call a kid in a hot tub?

Vegetable soup.

There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.

The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"

Why couldn't the kid go rock wall climbing?

Because every time he moved his leg upward, his prosthetic leg fell off.

Why did the goat have an abortion?

Because she already had too many kids!

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

Zach is a gay kid from Rob. Love you!