Kid jokes

You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

Who's the bus driver?

You will never nose [know].

Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

Why can't orphans see their parents?

Because they don't have one!

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"

Because he had to take one.

What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?

Son goat: No, what?

Dad goat: Goat meat.

Son goat: *Gasps*

Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?

Because they have cancer.

Dad, why are we here?

Because you're not loved.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.